Can Women Have it All?
One working mom calls for change in the workforce before women can have equality.
Princeton University professor Anne-Marie Slaughter had something to get off her chest. After sacrificing her home life to serve as top aide to Hillary Rodham Clinton in the State Department, her teenage sons struggled in her absence. So she decided to step down to focus on her family.
In the aftermath of her exit, she started to question if women could "have it all." Could they be equally successful in their non-family career and motherhood? After years of watching women fight their way to the top, only to step down when pressures became too great at home, Slaughter came to the conclusion that the answer to her question was a resounding "No." Yet, it was the reaction from those around her that pushed her to write the article Why Women Still Can’t Have It All. Slaughter said,
The first set of reactions, with the underlying assumption that my choice was somehow sad or unfortunate, was irksome enough. But it was the second set of reactions—those implying that my parenting and/or my commitment to my profession were somehow substandard—that triggered a blind fury. Suddenly, finally, the penny dropped.
Last week the Atlantic Magazine published her her si-page manifesto, in which Slaughter tackled everything from the double standard that men rarely feel pulled from their career to be with their family to changes that need to happen in the workplace before there can be equality for women.
I still strongly believe that women can “have it all” (and that men can, too). I believe that we can “have it all at the same time.” But not today, not with the way America’s economy and society are currently structured. My experiences over the past three years have forced me to confront a number of uncomfortable facts that need to be widely acknowledged—and quickly changed.
She suggests that employees with families need more opportunities to work at home and that matching work schedules to school schedules would be a step in the right direction. She explores the need for career breaks, a call for men to stand behind our choices to help push our society to value putting family ahead of work.
When I first read the title of Slaughter's story, I must admit that my feminist alarms went off and I wanted to disagree with the notion that women couldn't have it all. Yet, as I read page after page of her diatribe, my head spun with each example she gave, and by the end I was convinced that our society has a lot of growing to do before women can feel equally successful at work and at home.
I suppose that it all hinges on what "having it all" means to you. I am blessed to be a Stay-at-Home mom who gladly gave up a career to raise my children. Yet, I have total respect for moms in the work force and believe that they deserve equal chances at success as do men in their field. For me, as I spend my days raising my children, I feel content that I have all I need right here with me.
Are you a working mom, or did you put your career on hold to raise children? Do you feel like being a mother has held you back in your career? Do you believe that women can "have it all?" Please leave your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
Rebecca McCarthy
11:53 am on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I don't know what it means "to have it all," because I'm not sure what "it" is. Surveys have shown that moms who work part-time are the most satisfied in their home lives and their careers as well. But maybe you can tell me what the "it" is?
Sharon Swanepoel
11:58 am on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Ahh, great minds think alike Rebecca. That was going to be my question. Just what is having it all?
Leigh Hewett
12:34 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
What what you define as "having it all" for yourself? I would love to know your thoughts on the subject.
Leigh Hewett
12:20 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I think that Slaughter was exploring if women could have a successful career without having to sacrifice being there for her children. Or better yet, if having children gets in the way of career advancement for women.You should hop over and read the article. I only touched upon one aspect of the story. It's an interesting read. Although, she really doesn't provide many answers.
Sue Anderson
12:52 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
When I worked (did an internship) for a year when my children were young, things were not as good at home for any of them. It was a noticeable strain on the family, and I had some "fixing" to do when I got back to our regular schedule. It was only a brief experience, but it made me awfully glad I was able to stay home with them.
To be honest, I suspect having the best of both worlds is probably not possible. There's going to be some settling somewhere...
JHMO, of course.
=)
Leigh Hewett
9:03 am on Thursday, June 28, 2012
It's pretty amazing how often mamas are the ones keeping things running smoothly at home. Although, my dad stepped in to help when my mom was pursuing her career and he did a pretty good job. Nothing can replace mama, though.
Erinbjenkins
1:08 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
How much do we need? I think that is the question that each woman should ask herself. You can have it all, if all means just the right amount to feel successful to the individual mother.
Leigh Hewett
9:04 am on Thursday, June 28, 2012
So true.
Risa Haynes
2:18 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Hmmm, I think I fall into the category of women who do feel like I have it all. I am the sole financial provider for my family, yet I only work at most 25 hours a week, and only one full day. My husband is the stay at home parent, which we decided based on the lack of stability in his higher paying career. We don't own a home, so we have mobility if my income changes drastically and we can no longer afford our place. We basically decided that parenting is most important to both of us, so we share this responsibility equally and joyfully. Long before we had children, we discussed what was important to have in our lives and what we could sacrifice. The important list was short: food, shelter, travel (and if the budget could afford, cable tv, but this one would be the first to go if finances didn't allow it). For me, having it all means having a happy and healthy family. In our case, that translates into my husband staying at home (he hated his previous career in the vapid world of advertising anyway) and me working to build mine as a massage therapist. I find my career choice provides me with tons of positive emotional and financial fulfillment and leaves me plenty of time to be a mom also. I feel like if your career is so taxing that you can't leave it behind at the end of the day, it quickly becomes a toxic element in your life. Unfortunately, most corporate careers come with tons of stress, so if that's the ladder a mom wants to climb, it may prove to be un-fullfilling.
Leigh Hewett
9:05 am on Thursday, June 28, 2012
Interestingly, Slaughter sites in her article that having a supportive husband to cover things at home is one way women can have a better shot at "having it all". So proud of you that you are achieving what y'all wanted as a family. That is rare.
Jesse
2:32 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I read the article and have to add that the author is discussing an elite group of highly educated women. The average mom is probably not even worrying about "having it all" but more trying to achieve the everyday necessities for their family. I care more about putting food on the table than if I feel all warm and fuzzy about how mothers fit in the workplace.I find the entire notion to be very self serving. Sure, I care about equal rights for women but can I identify with the top aide of Hilary Clinton who worries too much about what her high ranking colleagues think? No, I can't.
For her to expect society to bend to her narcissistic career needs is nothing short of ridiculous. I'm glad that you called attention to the article though, it made me feel better about my simple little life at home with my children.
Leigh Hewett
9:08 am on Thursday, June 28, 2012
Did you read the part of the article where Slaughter actually admits that she is speaking to an elite group of women? I think that you bring up some very interesting points but I don't think that calling for changes in the workplace is self serving. I think that she really does want mothers to have a better chance for equality at work.
Cathy Balke
3:24 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
A book I read a long time ago stated that women can have it all ... just not at the same time and I agree with that. There are seasons to life ... a season of education/work, a season of child-rearing (if that's the choice), etc.
As women I think we live in a great time in that we are able to makes choices about how we live and raise our families.
Leigh Hewett
9:09 am on Thursday, June 28, 2012
I like the notion of life having seasons. It's so true.
Linda Labbo
7:16 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
As a woman who pursued higher education in college as my kids were growing up, and who started a university professor career when I was 45 years old, I can say "I have had it all" however, it came at a cost. I continued to wear my "mommy hat" by doing grad school work in the wee hours of the morning. I attended every recital or game for my two kids. I cooked and cleaned. I went to class and later taught classes. And it took a lot of energy! It also took a bit of help from my own mom and extended family. I do believe there is a double, gender-based standard about meeting the responsibilities of home and career.
Leigh Hewett
9:10 am on Thursday, June 28, 2012
You go! All of your hard work paid off, didn't it?
Maggie
10:13 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I KNOW we could have more of it all if the common workplace and work week was more sympathetic to family needs and school schedules for the littles.
Leigh Hewett
9:10 am on Thursday, June 28, 2012
I agree.
Caroline U
10:58 pm on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Although I love living here, sometimes I wish we were more like the French. They have free childcare for any working mother. Like you, Leigh, I happily stay at home with my children and my highest aspirations are really for their well being. But, I'd be lying to you if I said I don't have some "professional" goals. In the end, I think there is a time for everything. And I just think it's great that we are at least all talking about it honestly.
Great article, as always!
Leigh Hewett
9:11 am on Thursday, June 28, 2012
Yes, I felt like Slaughter's article was very timely and opened a discussion that women needed to talk about.
Erin Lashley
3:44 am on Saturday, June 30, 2012
I don't know how anyone raises kids and runs a household while both parents work, and I tip my hat to those who do. Also, I saw how bitter my grandmother was because she had no choice but to stay home, and how tired my mother was because she had to work, so I'm glad that staying home and not being tired all the time has been my choice. I thought staying at home was anti-feminist before I was a mother, and now I realize that this is where we are with feminism today: it's all about choice.
I'd like to have more money, of course, but why give it to a day care? As for a career, there wasn't anything I had a burning desire to do anyway. I mean, I sing a lot in church and in community theater, and the other day I half-hyperbolically told my dad that if singing was my only job I'd be happy; well, my son laid into me for that (he's so cute when he's angry). He said, "Um, Mommy, you have a kid, and that's your job." Since he needs me enough to feel that strongly, I'll keep being on call for him 24-7 until he doesn't need me so much.