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Health & Fitness

How is it that We Keep Falling for This Same Crap?

 ~  In the Land of the Blind, the Man with One Eye and a Coupon is Getting Ripped Off.  ~


            My girlfriend loves coupons.  If she were Popeye, coupons would be her spinach.  When Wimpy would beg her to give up and surrender to the Bluto of financial sanity, she would strike up the band, they’d play their rousing tune, and she’d reach into her satchel, pull out a “Buy One 4-Pack of Angel Soft Toilet Paper, Get The Second 4-Pack Free” slip of paper, and vanquish the enemy with her powerful fists of accepted financial lies.  She loves them.  I’ve repeatedly tried to tell her that, unless she was already planning on buying whatever the coupon is selling, clipping coupons is just another capitalistic trick to get you (her/the consumer) to buy what you don’t need.  The girl won’t listen.  She’s hooked.  She’s got a coupon fetish.

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                We get ripped off far too often these days.  It’s time to step back, take stock and see what we really need and what we don’t. 

                I like the idea of coupons.  Scouring the Sunday paper or, more often than not these days, the Internet coupon sites (go to hell, Groupon—you’re not helping us), in search of meaningful deals sounds like a semi-fun, possibly productive way for a struggling nuclear family to spend an hour.  Saving money is a noble goal.  Other than the super rich, most of us have to find ways to scrimp in order to make it to the next miniscule paycheck in an ever-pricier world.  Coupon clipping is one way to do this.  Unfortunately, stores and advertisers know this.  They know that we mindlessly wander toward the words “Free” and “Sale” like zombies searching for their next brain buffet.  They know that their forefathers have already convinced us that we need a bunch of stuff that we don’t.  They know us a thousand times better than we know ourselves.  And, generally speaking, they’re some truly soulless bastards.

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                We keep falling for their tricks.  A mother of five stocking up on reasonably-priced toilet paper in anticipation of the many butts which will need wiping, and seeing her chance to save a few pennies makes sense.  Buying a forty-pack of fingerless mittens doesn’t make sense.  And yet, when the coupon fits…

                It’s not just coupons who scam us like rabid carnie booth workers.  Paying ten bucks for a six-block cab ride when anyone with any common sense would walk the six blocks is just as stupid.  And yet, we fall for that one, too.  We get our oil changed every three thousand miles because some opportunistic mechanic, or more likely some even-more-opportunistic ad man working for a national automotive service chain some years ago, told us that that is what responsible car owners are SUPPOSED to do.  Although I’m as guilty and lazy as everyone else, I am aware that changing the oil in my car is something I could do myself.  All I need is oil, a rag, some tool, and one of those cool low-riding wooden gurney boards to roll underneath my car.  Whatever your mechanic charges you to change your oil, I guarantee you it’s more than fair market value.  Car guys are like doctors or crack dealers.  They know that they’ve got us hooked, so they feel comfortable charging us whatever will let them buy their beach house. 

                I would like to contradict myself here and put a plug in for the most honest, and local, mechanic I’ve ever met.  His name is Charles and he runs the full-service BP station/garage at the corner of Alps Road and Baxter Street, across the street from the Beechwood Shopping Center.  He’s a throwback to a simpler time and an honest mechanic, something as rare as a well-trained alligator or a lawyer up for sainthood.

                A good commentator always gives some credence to the other side of an argument.  BP Charles’ (probably not his given name) very existence doesn’t undercut my argument.  It augments it.  Never and always are words we should avoid, but don’t, much like coupons or the automotive acronym, MSRP.  Sticking with car ripoffs for a minute here, why do so many car companies use that four-letter “word” in their ads?  In case you don’t know, I believe MSRP stands for “Manager Suggested Retail Price.”  [[ I stand corrected in the Comments below, The guy in seat 24B told me the M stands for "Manufacturer's, & thank you! ]]  And the car commercials always advertise that their low-low price is below MSRP.  So what?  First off, isn’t it a given that the manager [manufacturer] , the guy whose income depends on selling cars, would want to sell you a car for more than it’s worth?  Isn’t that obvious?  

                Secondly, the S stands for SUGGESTED.  It’s not MRRP (Manager [Manufacturer] Reasonable Retail Price).  It’s merely a suggestion.  I suggest that you tell the manager [manufacturer] where he can stick his suggestion.  Maybe the manager [manufacturer] is clinically insane.  I’ve watched enough local TV used car commercials to know that a large number of crazy people gravitate to car salesman careers.  Third, the R stands for RETAIL.  If it were MSWP (wholesale), then maybe a bargain would exist somewhere in there.  Retail price is the reason that so many of us have to grocery shop at the Dollar Store.  Retail price isn’t a good deal.  It’s the asking price.  I don’t have anything insightful or witty to say about the P in MSRP.  I’m okay with that letter. 

                And, of course, there are hundreds more.  Drop me a comment about rip-offs that I failed to mention if you feel the need.  I could blog weekly for a year just about ways that we’re getting ripped off, and I might.  I haven’t even mentioned the fact that I paid $2.65 for a cup of coffee this morning.      



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