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Potty Training Prodigies

Is it dangerous to potty train too early?

 

What is the perfect age to potty train a child? These days, it seems  there's mounting pressure on parents for their children to be diaper free by the age of two. Many parents are even starting to train their children during infancy.

Some circles insist that cloth diapers are better for training, while others swear by disposables. With so many conflicting methods, potty training can be a daunting task.


Currently, we are potty training my almost three year old son. He has his own red potty and often sits proudly on his miniature throne. He loves to report to us that he used the "big boy" potty because we all jump up and down like silly monkeys. He's mostly excited about earning his prize, one Skittle for liquids and two Skittles for solids So far, we've seen a lot of success with this method and hope to be diaper free very soon.

Yes, I'll admit that a small motivates my little guy to run for his potty, but not every child needs external motivation to get the job done. A dear friend of mine started potty training her daughter when she was 7 months old using the Elimination Communication (EC) method.

Her tiny peeing prodigy was trained by the young age of 16 months. I've always envisioned her infant daughter, sitting on her potty and reading War and Peace. Sure, this child is super smart, but my friend simply listened to her daughter's cues and led the way to the potty instead of the changing table.

Elimination Communication is a non-coercive process that involves parents observing their baby's signs and signals, providing cue sounds and elimination-place associations. In other words, they carry their infant to the potty when they see the signs that they need to go.

Supporters of EC feel that children are usually taught to use their diapers as toilets and are later asked not to. By that time, babies have dulled their body awareness by becoming accustomed to eliminating in diapers.  This slows down the muscle control needed to become potty trained because learning how to tighten the sphincter muscles is critical to the process. EC parents argue that babies and kids don't learn how to tighten those muscles when they are in diapers

One group of doctors insists that early potty training is actually dangerous for children and believe just the opposite to be true. In an article published on Babble last week, authors Steve Hodges, M.D., and Suzanne Schlosberg, claim that kids who trained earliest and most easily tend to develop the worst problems later on. They say it’s important to know that virtually all toileting problems--accidents, bed wetting, urinary frequency, and urinary tract infections--are related to chronically holding in what needs to come out. The article also said

The reason kids who train at age 2 have more problems than children who train later, in my opinion, is that they have spent more months or years deciding for themselves when they should pee or poop, before they’re mature enough to understand the importance of eliminating as soon as they feel the urge. What’s more, the bladder needs about three or four years to grow and develop, and uninhibited voiding facilitates maximum growth.

They suggest waiting until your child is three years old to start training him or her to use the toilet. Coincidentally, we waited until both of our sons were almost three years old to potty train them. I figured, why push my little guys to do something that they didn't seem ready for?

I gained perspective when I just couldn't envision either of them graduating from college and wearing a Pull Up under their cap and gown when they walked across the stage to get their diploma.

At what age did you potty train your child?  Do you believe that it's better to start early or later? What method did you use? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

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Jesse March 28, 2012 at 05:42 pm
To me it seems like Elimination Communication is actually training the parents and not the child to use the potty. Although I think that it's an enticing notion to not have to rely on diapers, I'm going with the doctors on this one. We waited until our kids were older to train them and it was really easy because we could really communicate with them. We just used of those old fashioned plastic diaper covers so that it felt nasty on their bottoms and it took no time at all for them to know when they needed to go in the potty. I just can't see an infant really understanding all that needs to happen to control themselves. It seems like more work for the parents.
Leigh Hewett March 28, 2012 at 06:01 pm
Funny you should say this, my friend told me that once her daughter could use sign language that it became pretty easy to train her. I think that many parents who practice EC say that it's actually a pretty simple process.
Rebecca March 28, 2012 at 06:18 pm
Our family uses cloth diapers full-time but began offering both of our children "potty-tunities" from just weeks old, and both were going #2 in the potty almost exclusively by age 1. I'd say that's a success regardless of the long-term pee/accident rates. And when they both started asking for the potty around 16 months, we made the switch to training pants. They were both walking, they were both talking, and they clearly knew what the potty was and were comfortable using it. We never ask a child if he/she needs to go, but instead say, "It's time to use the potty!" and give them a chance to eliminate most days at least once an hour. Suggesting that we are causing them physical harm is ridiculous. Our children are not encouraged to "hold it" (they are certainly not able to do so!) and often have misses. We don't reprimand and we don't look back. We put on dry undies and keep going on with our day. Partial EC worked for our family and we have zero regrets.
Rachel March 28, 2012 at 06:19 pm
I was planning on waiting until I was home for the summer to help with training (when my daughter would be 23 months) But she was just ready a little earlier than that. We had gotten a new potty seat that goes on the big potty, and she wanted to use it right away. She was ready before I was. After that, we just didn't use diapers anymore except at night. There were some messes, but she didn't seem traumatized. I think the trick is,recognizing when your baby is ready. Mine just happened to be ready a little early, and she let us know.
tiffanie March 28, 2012 at 06:21 pm
I feel like I'm probably too lazy to do EC. My son trained at just over 3 years old. My daughter just turned 3 and we are just starting introducing the potty to her. I'm hoping she actually just trains herself. :)
Tiffany March 28, 2012 at 07:09 pm
I decided to let them "train themselves" after my first potty training experience was not such a fun one. Being that I have all boys, I stood back and didn't push the issue with boy #2. He trained himself by age 2 1/2 thanks to watching his older brother and a little bit of positive peer pressure at his mother's day out program. Boy #3 has totally suprised me and has pretty much trained himself before age 2 1/2. We made it something fun, making it target practice shooting cheerios in the potty. And didn't even go the route of the little potty, flushing and using a steep stool were super cool! The thing that it took me a while to recognize was that like all men, big or little, if you stand back and let them get something done, they will on their own time!
Linda Labbo March 28, 2012 at 08:26 pm
I never realized there is a controversy around potty training. I always felt like, with my 2, that they were ready when they could understand what we were doing. They also needed to be old enough to anticipate the little rewards they received when they went in the "big" potty. As I recall one was around 3 years old and the other was around 19 months (after getting chicken pox and training herself)!
Thanks for the thoughtful article.
Scarlet Buckley March 29, 2012 at 01:48 am
We used the bare bottom method with both of our kids. Both potty trained pretty easily by the time they were almost three. We simply let them be naked, put a potty in the den and the bathroom, and gave them little rewards in the form of chocolate chips. It has seemed pretty easy and gradual. I'm definitely happy to bedone with diapers. I'm not worried about the EC method being harmful. It sounds interesting and it sounds like some effort and availability on the part of the parents, but other than that, I can't imagine it causing damage to make routine going to the bathroom when the cues are given.
producttests March 29, 2012 at 01:48 am
all three of my kids were potty trained before 2 yrs old. My oldest is about to turn 6 and has never had any "problems" and was potty trained, also, by 16 months. He also used sign language to tell me when he needed to go. He would tell me. So, I truely believe they know what is going on and they just need to understand that they can tell us if they want. That said... I have NEVER thought that everyone should do it one way and disregard all the other methods. Our children are just as different and unique as each parent and their parenting style. So, if you want to wait or think that it is better for your child to wait. Then it probably is better for you and your family. My best friend waited till all of her kids were 3 or 4 before she potty trained & I completly supported her decision. That was best for their family. So, I'm not sure the question is whether it is good or bad for the child, but what is best for your family! Plus, you should, of course, follow cues from your child. If they hate it or don't seem to understand then lay off :)
Allison March 29, 2012 at 03:26 am
"In an article published on Babble last week, authors Steve Hodges, M.D., and Suzanne Schlosberg, claim that kids who trained earliest and most easily tend to develop the worst problems later on..."
I'd love to see the research they did so I could see how they based their "claim." Most people who truly know what EC is know that children are not "trained" or taught to hold it in but are associating earlier the urge to eliminate and using a potty. At no point was my 6 month old peeing on a potty every physically harmed. At whatever age a parent decides to make the transition to the potty, it is "work" but what elements of true parenting are not?
Becky March 29, 2012 at 10:43 am
We just let our kids watch us and started responding when they showed interest. My daughter started using the potty at about 19 months, did it for a couple weeks and then requested diapers. I complied. Before her third birthday I told her that after her birthday there would be no more diapers, she said, "ok" and that was that. My son just started doing it around 2 and refused diapers, even at night. To our amazement he was able to get up and go in the night. Neither child would use the kid potty, both insisted on using the one we used, so we kept a stool handy at all times. No stress, no pushing, no harsh words for accidents, which seem mostly to do with not halting a fun activity in time to go. I am incredibly grateful for my kids' willingness do it on their own! I know every kid is different and has different needs.
Becky March 29, 2012 at 11:10 am
I read about EC and like the concept, but I had 4 stepchildren to feed and taxi when my daughter was born so my attention to minute signals wasn't available. My approach came mostly out of default because I wasn't paying attention. What I like about EC and wait and see is that both are child-directed and I can't imagine that there will be any future negative effects from that.
Alexa Clay March 29, 2012 at 08:35 pm
We used EC with both boys- started at 5.5mths with our first and at 2 days with our second. EC is not potty "training" to me. We never used rewards or punishment. It was paying attention to our babies' behavior and clues that maybe they needed to potty. We rarely changed a poopy diaper past 7mths with either. For a wonderful book written by a pediatrician who dispels the myths related to babies and toddlers & potty training, elimination communication, etc, see "Diaper Free Before Three: The Healthier Way to Toilet Train and Help Your Child Out of Diapers Sooner" by Jill Lekovic. I loved a book called "Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene" as well. Our goal was never about getting our kids out of diapers earlier but was more about deepening our communication and connection with them, as well as honoring their own connection with their bodies.
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 02:49 am
I like the notion of reminding the child to go at least once an hour. That certainly would eliminate any possible risk involved with them holding it.
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 02:51 am
It's so true that they are often ready to master a skill long before we are ready.
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 02:53 am
My younger son loves to follow his big brother into the potty when he goes. I have so many pictures of them in the bathroom together. He is having a pretty easy time with potty training and I think that it's because we've let his big brother show him the way.
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 02:54 am
I love the method of shooting Cherrios. I might just have to use that one for fun.
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 02:54 am
Sounds like your daughter is super smart. :)
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 02:55 am
We did the bare bottom method with my older son and it was a seamless and easy process.
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 02:57 am
Here is a link to their research, if you'd like to check it out. I'm not saying that I agree with them but they do present some interesting arguments.
http://itsnoaccident.net/about-the-book/
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 02:58 am
Thanks for these links!
Leigh Hewett March 30, 2012 at 03:03 am
Wow...2 days old? That is admirable. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Risa Haynes March 30, 2012 at 03:27 pm
We used EC from about 7 months on, when our daughter could confidently sit up on her own, and she was trained by 16 months also. I've heard this claim that this is "training the parents," and as someone who has now done it, I would completely dispute this or at least dispute the fact that this is somehow negative. Parenting is almost entirely about learning to navigate the needs of your children and guiding them through their development. To this end, infant potty training is the same thing. When my daughter was 5 months old, I realized she could associate my hand gestures with words. I was getting ready to put lotion on her after a bath, like I did every night, and I said, "Time to put the lotion on." When I turned around, she was rubbing her hands together like I do to warm up the lotion! It was at that point that I realized how much of our world she was comprehending. From that point on, I've treated her like she understands, which made EC so easy for us. Now at 2, she is only in diapers at night. I would also point out that all over the world their are cultures that don't have disposable diapers or a huge stash of cloth, so this method is just the norm. I would also be curious to see who funded the study you mentioned, Leigh. It's not unusual to find these type of studies being funded by the commercial opponents (aka disposable diaper industry lobby). Thanks for writing an article mentioning EC - hopefully more parents look into it!
Stephanie Gross (Editor) April 1, 2012 at 01:40 pm
Leigh, great article! We are working with our daughter (2 years, 3 months). She started asking us to change her immediately after she would go in her diaper and we began potty training at about 20 months. However, she just wasn't quite ready and after a couple of weeks wanted to back off, so we didn't push her. Now she is showing interest again and we are encouraging her along the way.
My sister-in-law is planning to use the EC method. She tried it during her son's first weeks, but has since decided to wait a couple of months before giving it another go.
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